I love you (as long as I can look down on you)
Or how can love and unsolved trauma, affect your relationships.
A fairy tale or a horror tale?
Many women were sold the idea that one day (of course, if we were obedient and submissive to deserve it), a prince charming would come into their lives, and he would solve all the problems of their lives in a matter of minutes. That is exactly the attitude that causes many to end up in toxic relationships with men who have a huge savior complex regarding women. And many of the girls who grew up educated in that myth of the prince will submit to that class of men, believing that it is the only way they can do something useful with their lives.
What are some of the causes of this?
There are several, and these vary according to each person, but it is likely that many of these men who desperately seek a partner they can humiliate, carry a huge amount of insecurities and unresolved trauma since childhood. By not being able to vent all that they carry inside in a way that is not harmful to them or to others, they believe that trying to minimize a woman will make them feel a little bit better about themselves.
Your destiny depends on you.
It is a huge mistake for a person of any gender to think that someone is going to come one day and change your life at once. Only you have the power to decide what your life will become and the direction you want it to take. Although you might doubt it, within your soul lives the necessary power to face any adversity that you may encounter on your way.
Do you love or depend on your partner?
Although for many, loving implies a certain degree of dependence on the partner, it is true that there is a quite big difference between loving in freedom and being with someone simply because you are afraid of being alone or of losing social position / economic support / your job. If at any time you are not sure what type of relationship your relationship is, ask yourself: Does my partner allow me to grow as a human being? Does my partner make hurtful comments about my family, myself, or any of my insecurities? What do I feel when I am with him or her? If any of the answers you find do not satisfy you, it is time to ask yourself what you do in a relationship of that kind.
Is that “love” worth it?
That is true, in a relationship of the romantic kind (or any relationship), not everything is always a thousand and one, but you also have to know how to recognize if you are in a relationship that does not give you anything valuable or that even hurt you. If for fear of being alone, you endure abuse, it is time for you to start working on increasing your self-esteem and improving your concept of yourself. No matter how much you love your partner or how attractive you find him or her, it is not worth being in a relationship that does not allow you to grow as a human being or that affects you on several levels.
Breaking away from old habits
You are likely to allow yourself to be treated in a certain way because you learned that it was the only way of living, directly or indirectly. It is likely that, even if you are not fully aware of them, you are copying patterns learned from your parents about the way heterosexual romantic relationships should be. And if you are a woman, it is very likely that you allow behaviors of a certain type in your relationships, because they taught you that this was the role of women. Don’t be afraid to break out of those old molds. Life is always in constant motion, and any time is a good time to break away from old habits.
The times are changing.
We are living in the 21st century. It’s time to start evolving as human beings. Those absurd ideas that the only way a man can love a woman is if she is willing to allow herself to be treated as an object with no other use than that of being a simple object attractive to the eye, must come to an end. We all deserve to have a love that makes us grow as human beings and does not damage our self-esteem and does not try to clip our wings. Life is too short to waste it in relationships that don’t make us truly happy.
