Desire is not the Enemy
Or how to stop feeling guilty for enjoying life’s pleasures
A good percentage of the population in the world has sex or at least thinks about it a couple of times (or more) a day. So what’s the point of continuing to act like it’s the dirtiest thing in the world. There are things that, despite being inherent to human nature, are incredibly taboo in a society that prides itself on being progressive in some respects.
It is natural
We come into the world naked, with no other armor to face the world than our skin. But as we grow, we learn to see many aspects of our own nature, with great morbidity. From loving another person to exploring our bodies, they become activities that we learn to do hidden in the shadows, feeling guilty for expressing our soul’s desires. Being ashamed of such a human expression of feelings as desire is almost like denying a part of our own being, only to fit in with people who don’t even know our real self. Allowing themselves to be carried away by the blame imposed by others often causes young people to learn to live their sexuality in a repressive and fear-ridden way.
“Despite what you’ve been conditioned to believe, sexual desire is sacred and virtuous. When you and your beloved merge physically and emotionally, you go beyond the boundaries of the ego and experience timelessness, naturalness, playfulness and defenselessness .” ~ Deepak Chopra
But carnal desire is impure…
How can what is done between two mature people, in full awareness of their own limits and those of the other person, be impure? It should be considered something worse to go through life avoiding what we really long for, repressing ourselves so as not to scare away those who call themselves “good consciences.” As long as someone is not forced to do something they don’t want to do and the wishes of the parties involved are respected, there is nothing impure about enjoying the pleasures of the body.
I feel guilty.
Work every single day to leave behind the guilt. If you are already an adult, remember that you are the one who decides the course of your life. If you already know that your time on this planet is short, why waste your time feeling guilty about what you enjoy? Listen to your heart. It knows what you really want. The past is in the past. Leave these ghosts behind and focus in your future. Wonderful things are awaiting.
Is desire something harmful?
It depends what kind of outlet you give your dark desires. If you have some problems with yourself, perhaps the last thing you should do is seek sex with a person who is in an inappropriate state of mind to get closer to another person on a deep level. But if that desire is shared, and both parties want to satisfy it in the same way, then there is little harm in it. Our attitudes can be as toxic or beneficial as we ourselves wish.
How to express desire healthily?
Start by asking your partner how they feel about the way you express love to them. If there are major disagreements, talk to try to reach an agreement. Always remember the importance of always expressing love and desire freely, without forcing the other person to perform actions that hurt them or go against their beliefs. In a relationship, for it to work and grow over time, there must be respect between both parties. This might sound easy on paper, but actually achieving it is a task that takes time and dedication.
My partner wants to force me to do things I don’t like.
Talk to your partner. Love does not imply an absolute submission to the wishes of the person you have next to you. If your partner only cares about satisfying himself, even after having talked, it may be time for you to consider if this relationship is contributing something positive to your life. Find someone you can flourish with. Love or desire must never mean fully sacrificing your personal freedom or individuality.
I am too ugly to express my desire.
To express your desires healthily, you don’t need to be a magazine model or fit into heteronormative canons of beauty. Your body is beautiful no matter how tall you are, how much you weigh, or what others think about it. When there is love and understanding in a relationship, that kind of insecurity is gradually left behind. Work very hard every day to love yourself, before you think about loving another person.
My family says that feeling carnal desire is a sin.
Yes, your family was the one who raised you, but not everything they taught you is true, as you have surely already realized. Love and respect your family, but carry in your heart only those teachings from them that do not harm your mind or your heart. Anything that doesn’t bring you anything respectfully put it aside. Honor them by being happy and enjoying life, not submerging yourself in a sea of guilt.
So?
Repression has done much more damage to humanity than healthy expressed desire. Live your life in freedom, always trying not to harm third parties. Sexuality is an important part of the human experience, so choose to live it fully, yes, always taking your precautions and respecting the boundaries of your partner.
